I hope you do not mind if I comment your poem in English?
And one thing before I start: If you think that I might be mistaken with one or the other statement, please feel free to contact me about it if you want to. ^^
Actually, I must admit this poem won’t make it to my favourites. It’s just not the kind I prefer. But nevertheless, it has its certain charms. For once, it has a very nice flow. It’s easy to read; you’re carried along with the words invoking the impression of lightness, which applies very well to your chosen topic. It supports the reader’s mind to imagine these words being uttered by a lady, alone, somewhere in the dark. It enhances the feeling of underneath, silent longing.
Furthermore, the break of sense right in the middle of the poem is very interesting. In the first part, it seems the reader is led to believe that the poem will take a somehow tragic ending due to words like “dark” and “cold”, but also due to the use of a past tense followed by a conclusion that bears some certain finality in its meaning: “now I can see”.
But then, you change the direction, making the poem a confession of love. This turning is well added to what was said before. So, it might be slightly surprising, it is in no way distracting or misplaced.
Still, there are some things I found confusing.
First of all, you obviously decided to write visible sentences which are separated by commas. But you applied this only in the first part. The second part, after the break of direction, is just one single, long sentence although it should have been devided in several ones or at least into partial-sentences by using a semicolon. This would relax the reading in this part. Otherwise, the feeling of rushing-through is evoked in the reader.
Then, you chose to use a rhyming pattern, namely the full ending rhyme. This was used quite well. Still, I’m wondering, is there a special reason you start this pattern only in the second line?
And one last thing concerning the first two lines. They have a nice sound, for sure, and they remind me a little bit of “The Black Ocean”, so I really like them. I can understand there use, too. I guess they should prepare the reader emotionally for what is to come and give some small indication of the circumstances/surroundings the lyrical I is positioned in. But, actually, these two lines are the only ones containing some sort of description. All the rest concentrates on the Thoughts of the lyrical I. Therefore, I find those lines somehow dispatched from the rest of the poem.
But nevertheless, it is a nice poem.
So, Bye for now.
Isamenot
